In the Background.

I don’t know. Maybe its cause its changing times and all but I’ve been feeling in the background lately. I know I always make fun of being alone and not having friends at uni (LOL I’M SO SCREWED WTF WHY DON’T I HAVE FRIENDS? …. yerh Okay I need to make friends but anyway) BUT lately I really have been feeling pretty lonely and out of communication with everyone literally. Its not about seeing them but sometimes I just don’t feel like I’m connecting on the same level as others or is that passionate about it. Actually when I say it, the problem is that I don’t think I’m passionate about anything anymore. I feel like I’m just gliding along freely but also doing so in solidarity. I think I’m just in this lonely mid-life crisis about everything right now. I’m also feeling like no one wants to talk to me lately. Maybe this problem stems from the fact that I probably don’t try hard enough to talk to people more often when I am almost in this constant state of “not in the mood”. I am like not in the mood for anything. I almost feel as if I use to be able to make likely comments in a conversation or something and now I’m just quite… emotionless to an extent if not really boring. I feel really boring. I don’t talk to people throughout my week. I talk to myself more than I talk to other human beings and I talk to my parents more than I talk to my friends now a days. This is actually quite disastrous to my life. I’m like a floating log that didn’t get caught up in the branches and is on to her impending doom down some crazy waterfall. Okay this is depressing. Back to finding bargain textbooks before I go dirt broke from not working enough hours.

Anyway I don’t really remember what this post was about now… Went shower and came back and kind of lost track derpderp.

EDIT: Back to my previous post, I am a victim of my own social abuse. luls.

Chatime :)

I’m gone for 3 months and like THE WHOLE INTERFACE CHANGES? WHAT THE SHIZ.

Anyway the point of this post was really to kind of decipher how I’m feeling at the moment. It feels rather foreign yet familiar at the same time that I can’t really pinpoint the exact word to describe it. Maybe its denial. lul. Anyway you know those posts on tumblr about friends leaving other friend arn’t really your real friends? Yerh I actually realised, I’m one of those people. And you know those things about “If he/she isn’t putting effort into it, why should you?” Yerh well while I actually reblog those, I feel to a degree everyone is a culprit. No one is really a victim because if you were trying hard enough, they would actually try just as hard if not harder. If you put no effort into it, well, the quote totally applies. This is like psychological mindfuck or something. No one is a victim and basically everyone is at fault for whatever happens. These quotes are really just an excuse to relieve yourself of the blame you should be sharing.

So anyway, I know I saw half the kids on Friday, but I miss them already. Hai Jenny Lam I know you usually get updated on bloglovin, and Helen (maybe cause she trolls all the blogs anyway). <3 love you guys if you reading this!!