SUPERMiLKSTORY.

In the Background.

supermilkstory — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 14:48:52 +0000

I don’t know. Maybe its cause its changing times and all but I’ve been feeling in the background lately. I know I always make fun of being alone and not having friends at uni (LOL I’M SO SCREWED WTF WHY DON’T I HAVE FRIENDS? …. yerh Okay I need to make friends but anyway) BUT lately I really have been feeling pretty lonely and out of communication with everyone literally. Its not about seeing them but sometimes I just don’t feel like I’m connecting on the same level as others or is that passionate about it. Actually when I say it, the problem is that I don’t think I’m passionate about anything anymore. I feel like I’m just gliding along freely but also doing so in solidarity. I think I’m just in this lonely mid-life crisis about everything right now. I’m also feeling like no one wants to talk to me lately. Maybe this problem stems from the fact that I probably don’t try hard enough to talk to people more often when I am almost in this constant state of “not in the mood”. I am like not in the mood for anything. I almost feel as if I use to be able to make likely comments in a conversation or something and now I’m just quite… emotionless to an extent if not really boring. I feel really boring. I don’t talk to people throughout my week. I talk to myself more than I talk to other human beings and I talk to my parents more than I talk to my friends now a days. This is actually quite disastrous to my life. I’m like a floating log that didn’t get caught up in the branches and is on to her impending doom down some crazy waterfall. Okay this is depressing. Back to finding bargain textbooks before I go dirt broke from not working enough hours.

Anyway I don’t really remember what this post was about now… Went shower and came back and kind of lost track derpderp.

EDIT: Back to my previous post, I am a victim of my own social abuse. luls.

Chatime :)

supermilkstory — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 13:30:50 +0000

I’m gone for 3 months and like THE WHOLE INTERFACE CHANGES? WHAT THE SHIZ.

Anyway the point of this post was really to kind of decipher how I’m feeling at the moment. It feels rather foreign yet familiar at the same time that I can’t really pinpoint the exact word to describe it. Maybe its denial. lul. Anyway you know those posts on tumblr about friends leaving other friend arn’t really your real friends? Yerh I actually realised, I’m one of those people. And you know those things about “If he/she isn’t putting effort into it, why should you?” Yerh well while I actually reblog those, I feel to a degree everyone is a culprit. No one is really a victim because if you were trying hard enough, they would actually try just as hard if not harder. If you put no effort into it, well, the quote totally applies. This is like psychological mindfuck or something. No one is a victim and basically everyone is at fault for whatever happens. These quotes are really just an excuse to relieve yourself of the blame you should be sharing.

So anyway, I know I saw half the kids on Friday, but I miss them already. Hai Jenny Lam I know you usually get updated on bloglovin, and Helen (maybe cause she trolls all the blogs anyway). <3 love you guys if you reading this!!

LOL

supermilkstory — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 05:54:16 +0000

A lot has changed over the past few weeks. I don’t know what happened to you, or who happened to you, but I know for a fact that at this moment in time, you kind of annoy me.

No really, I don’t know when, how or why. I thought you were cool. Apparently not.

But I’m a bitch really. So sorry, I don’t know what I did to you or what you did to me. But what constantly crosses my mind when I see you or you get mentioned is “fuck off”.

Somehow I find this rather awkward and hilarious. Oh dear. :S

Life in a literal nutshell.

supermilkstory — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 16:53:54 +0000

It isn’t until you get to university that you really realise who are the friends you are going to end up coming out the other end with. No matter how much time and effort you put into keeping the momentum in a friendship going before university, there is no point if it is stagnant during and after university. This was the subject of a DnM I had with my long lost cousin on Thursday, when I skipped all my lectures just to hang out on the bench in the sun, instead of doing my Bioethics assignment, which I handed in 1 minute late (10% penalty fml). The most amazing thing is, I havn’t talked to my cousin in about 6 years. I use to think she was probably one of the biggest retards I;ve ever known (in a good way) and one that was all rosy and happy. But apparently not. She has her own problems too, which are surprisingly really similar to mine when it comes to friends. You see all her friends go different universities and seeing as they all do science, which amounts to those 24+hours in total, they never find time to meet. On my side, I always try to find time to visit some of my friends at UNSW. But then there are others that I never see cause I can’t even thought they all exist on the same campus (reasons being time tables don’t match), but I know its not their fault and I know for a fact the position that I hold in their life and how important I am to them. Then there are others that I never see and really don’t know who I am to them, which for the lul at this point, I don’t really care I guess? It annoys me that I am confused about where I stand in their life: Am I supposed to be a good friend? an Aquaintance? Someone that use to be a good friend and would like to revive that “good friend”status sometime? Maybe I’m supposed to try harder to see these people, but in actual fact, why arn’t they trying either? (I’m just being a bitch now). Theresa T’s sister once said that after a few weeks and months in university, you really do know who your real friends are, and its those friends that try to keep up with your life, or try to really get to meet up with you. Bottom line is that they try hard to do whatever they can to see you or talk to you or keep in contact. I love my twitterfam <3 and I love my dhtlz or whatever is left of it but there are some friends I lost already that I feel can never go back to the closeness we use to be. Maybe I’m just making it difficult for people to try and stay friends with me. I’m stubborn. Its stupid I know. But I am. I like straightforward answers. If you want to stay in touch. TELL ME. Spell it out to my face. I can’t read minds, is too stupid to read between the lines and too tired to decipher cryptic messages. I don’t make the effort but neither do they, so at which point do you stop being stubborn and start trying and stop waiting? Its an awfully difficult question because you have this mind set that you are always the one trying (and maybe you are/arn’t) and the other person is always the one that lets you try and doesn’t try him/herself. But if the person is really that important to you, don’t wait around for them to try, you start trying more no matter how stubborn you are. I’ve learnt this but it doesn’t really matter if the person doesn’t seem to meet you half way. In yr 10, I imagined myself with a completely different group of people from those that I am close with now. In fact I clearly told a particular person “You are the only one I can actually imagine myself talking to after highschool”. 3 years on, that particular person has practically vanished off the face of my earth, literally. How about 3 years from now? How many “friends” will I lose? and How many will I consider close friends? Its a question that can’t actually be answered until the time comes I supposed. You just have to wait and see who is willing to step it up and make you feel like you are an irreplaceable part of their life. In the long run, my existence barely makes a mark on the world, but its nice to know when it makes a mark on someone else’s like they do mine.

:(

supermilkstory — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 15:15:55 +0000

NO ONE SAID UNI WAS GOING TO BE THIS TIRING. I’M JUST TIRED AND I HAVNT EVEN STUDIED OR TRIED YET WTH IS THIS I JUST WANT TO SLEEP FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER. FML

EDIT: ALSO SICK

Transition

supermilkstory — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 11:03:07 +0000

I’ve always been pretty bad with transition. Change. Moving on. I am by default a snail. I lag, alot. On each new year I am always stuck on the previous year and thus I also lag behind on work, exams, life and TV. Maybe this is why I enjoy history so much more than anything else in my life. And this is a fact that very much applies to university. Maybe its me, but being at a totally different university from my friends has made me think about the distance, physically, mentally and emotionally, that has come between us all. In more than one case, it actually undeniably and unreasonably one sided when this strain happens. I’m a walking paranoid machine. And I should stop because it makes it even worse. WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO MEEEE? All good things must come to an end bullshit.

I am in a state of almost permanent distress these days. It’s a never ending cycle of unfortunate events that replays in my mind on a 24/7 basis. This is shit. okay.

LOL this makes me think way more than I am supposed to. I am going off the computer to study and sleep.

Psych classes explain alot of things to you. Social psych here I come <3

Oyasuminasai.

Above and Beyond.

supermilkstory — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 04:09:22 +0000

We are finally reaching the end of the mindless road of 3 months of exhaustive fun. I realise I actually havn’t done much all holidays. Really. Nothing remotely useful to my future LOL or meaningful. I guess that is what these holidays were about right? Doing things without thinking or remembering that university is around the corner and doing them all without thinking of the consequences to an extent. I think I’ve had an eventful holiday that warrants a trip down memory lane and also $12.30 worth of photos in my photo album.

countless parties, 2 beach houses, a random meet up for a game of mafia, traveling 6 million years to get to a farm and a desert island in cabramatta, working, NZ-ing with mountains and sheep, sleeping (alot), beaching, crying before the HSC and jumping up and down after the HSC, uni results, the late night phone calls and of course the constant neverending tweets.

And after all that, it still feels like 2010 and I still havn’t made my resolutions for 2011. So I think I might make a generic list.

- Be a better person in 2011

- Promise to keep in touch will friends i.e twitterfam, best people in the world, some of dhltz

- Never skip a lecture or tutorial

- Seriously the friendship one is very important.

- Try and obtain at least one Distinction this year. Hope to god I don’t fail

- For the 67347th time for resolutions, make notes every week from my lectures

I really don’t know what to write for my blogs these days. lol

I do not accept….

supermilkstory — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 12:13:09 +0000

Going to different unis as an excuse to drift apart. No. I do not fucking accept that without even trying it out, that you have decided we will drift apart. Is that how foundationless our friendship is to you? I don’t know why I am so angry. Maybe because over the past year you have become one of my closest friends even if we talk sporadically. So for you to realistically and logistically say that without even so much as a dash of hope is like telling me “its not you, its me” the friendship version. I am stubborn. But I thought that we were idk, close enough to at least meetup for dinner every once in a while. LOL it would be hard to find even an hour of your time where you are free? okay. I don’t know what you want. One minute I feel that you are probably one of the people that I want to keep in my life forever and ever cause you actually cared about me in your funny way and I liked that, the next your saying we arn’t going to be friends in a years time? I don’t know what to think. Maybe I am being unreasonable. I am almost sure I twisted half your words the wrong way. I’m just stubborn. You are starting to remind me of that moment two years ago when things fell apart. I don’t need a repeat of that in my life. I don’t even know why I am caring about the future so much. I shouldn’t. The though of what would happen scares me too, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to meet up. If we do end up drifting apart, at least we know we tried making it work, but it didn’t. Yerh okay I don’t know how to react cause I am an emotional trainwreck when it comes to friends. Friends as important as you no less.

As with Life.

supermilkstory — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 12:00:47 +0000

Constant life failing is not a good thing. Wow. Times like these I really question everything. Absolutely everything. These insecurities are going to kill me really. I guess Helen would usually be the one sitting next to me telling me “I’m worth being loved”. I guess so. But lol

TWO-OH-OH-ELEVEN.

supermilkstory — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 07:28:54 +0000

I am currently thinking about my year. It doesn’t feel like it started or that 2010 even ended. I’ve been so lazy to actually think about resolutions. So I will come back and post up… a list. When I can really think about it, not that I ever took these seriously. But you know, I can always try